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You don't just die.Do you understand?
The blade against your wrist
Doesn't just slice your skin.
It cuts through others
Do you understand?
You don't just kill yourself.
You kill everyone.
From YOUR goodbyes.
Do you understand?
You don't just die.
You take everyone down
I wish...I wish I was a monster
So I could be kind
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I was colored
So I could respect people
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I was a man
So I could be kind to women
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I had male friends
So we could all be..
And break the stereotypes.
I wish I had autism
So I could prove that autism,
Does NOT mean "dumb".
And I could break the stereotypes.
I wish I could change the world.
But sometimes, you can't break a stereotype.
Only stereotypes, can break you.
I wonderI wonder who’d care
If I’d crash and burn
At this very moment.
I no longer do.
I no longer have the fight in me,
Like an engine without oil,
I’m out of juice.
I feel cold.
I wonder what’s wrong with me.
I wonder why I’m still here.
I wonder about these tears rolling down my cheeks,
I wonder if they’re a sign.
I wonder if I've given up.
I feel as though I have.
My body’s still moving
Drawing haggard breaths
That rattle into my aching, empty skull.
I wonder why.
Lingerhow can i move forward,
when the fingerprints of my insecurities
are still lingering within my chest,
pressing against my ribs like piano keys?
i am just waiting, for the day,
when the saddest parts of me
are overcome with songs of serenity.
Pretty Blue PillsPretty blue pills,
shiny in my palm,
the ticket to my peace,
to my eternal calm.
They're so perfectly round,
and soon they'll be in me.
The closest to perfect
that I'll ever be.
They go down so smooth.
Five, ten, fifteen and twenty.
Soon I'll be gone.
Twenty-five and Thirty.
That should be enough,
but I'll play it safe.
Thirty-five and forty.
Now I have no more to take.
The bottle is empty,
as empty as I feel.
None of this is happening,
too good to be real.
But soon I start to drift
into a dark unknown fog.
Somewhere quite distantly.
I hear a muffled sob.
But I blow it off as fake.
Nobody could possibly care.
I doubt anyone's noticed
ten ways this breakup isn't meant for the movies1.
you go out for twelve eggs and come back
with half a dozen and a new girlfriend.
you hold the eggs out to me like
six dead birds is enough of a peace offering.
i push the eggs out of your hand and stay
with my hand over your heart as i watch them
fall. if they do not hit the ground, this is all a dream.
the eggs smash on the tile and splatter
on the cherry wood cabinets, newly installed
that cost me two paychecks.
the egg whites hit your leather shoes that
you’ve worn for two months straight
because you think they make you look more sophisticated.
the egg whites hit the fridge halfway up, barely touching
the moose mag
or whatever it is
that puts things together
and takes them apart...
it left me
with a phantom
and you are still attached
to my body
when I dance
and make love
Dear friend,You have to understand, dear
The reason to why I run.
I run away from reality
From the lungs that cannot
Take anymore smoke
From the heart that threatens to
I run away because
I'm a coward
Because I'm afraid of life
Afraid to care or love.
I'm afraid that every time
I'm glad it blows up in my face
And that every time I smile
I shed a million more tears.
That's why I run, dear
You have to understand.
I was destined to be a fighter but
I don't want to fight anymore.
I was destined to be a warrior
But how am I supposed to win when
The war I fight is against life itself?
I know that I always blow everything up but-
I keep stepping on mines, dear...
...I keep stepping on mines...
ellipsisshe goes to sleep
clawing at her chest with pinpoint accuracy
for an emptiness she can’t describe,
but hates all the same. tomorrow
she will write a letter: “dear boy,
i always wanted to be somebody’s
flowery poem, but the verses carved in my arms
are riddled with ugly clichés. & you are why
i don’t sleep through the night. if
we were a language, i was the
subordinating conjunction, you were
i remember you in staccato
conclusions, solemn absences
brain squealsI beat depressions in the earth
for my brain squeals and waves
that burst in my wet ears
until something makes me drown.
I will. (again) V.
put rocks in pockets
and walk right in --
I'll drink your overcoat
until your throat weeps
and your soaked hair
weighs you down.
brain squeals are from cold sweats
TearsI am not afraid to cry.
I am not afraid for you to see the tears
Don’t tell me I have no heart.
Don’t tell me I have no soul.
For without them I could not cry.
You may not see my tears but they are there.
I have learned to let myself cry for the things I’ve loved,
For the things I’ve lost.
They are silent tears, but they are mine.
So let me cry.
Let me show you I have a heart.
Let the things that touch my heart be shown through my tears.
I am not afraid to cry.
I am notI’m not your little boy.
You’re not my little girl.
I’m just someone you met,
And wants to change the world
I’m not the prince in your dreams
I don’t have smarts or might
I’m just the one that screams
And cries to sleep at night
I’m not who you want me to be.
I will never be what you are.
I’m myself, I am free.
I’m not ashamed of my scars
I’m not that weak
You’re not that strong
You still have company
But I’m still alone
So I speak
Though this poem.
It’s not a pretty love song
I’m just saying what pains me, explaining what’s going on.
Because I am not perfect,
I’m not retarded,
I’m just like you,
There is always a reason to be
And I won’t regret
I’m always happy to be me.
then i burst into flames and fell i heard your cosmic blow
crack the crusted knuckles
of his hands
lodge itself into the mantle
of the world i cradl
And now I finally see-
The true face of faith that I once held so dearly
This sensation is somewhat familiar-
My thick tears become entangled
I clench my trembling fists-
As a regretful prayer exits my tainted lips
Blindly lead down this beaten path!
Reaching the end forces me to despise the past
Hymns of comfort have left me feeling torn!
This flawed cross can't protect me anymore
I always reached for what wasn't even there!
The darkness becomes clear as the light disappears
I kiss the welcoming abyss / Closing the rift I once lived
Clouds drift / Body lifts
Winds wisp / Tears twist
My pain and peace quickly shift / The over
Second ShadowThe hand on your shoulder
The whispers in your mind
The words on your tongue
The voice in your throat
And the feelings in your soul
To drive to madness
To seduce the insane
To draw the blood
And dull the senses
To plague the memories
Of damage done
To fake safe haven
As the character changes
Light the anger and fuel the rage
Another mind to feed
A second shadow
To take you into eternity
Fool Myself One Too ManyI love with the aim of getting hurt
But I won’t let myself know
Push myself over the edge and fall
Once again I'm falling
Madly Deeply Uncontrollably
I'm bum over noggin without knowing where to land,
'I don't even know your name' would be a good way to describe it.
My head tells me it's love but I know it's really another 'L'
A month or more is reasonable,
but I'm quick; fast; snappy;
2 minutes is all it takes,
And my mind is playing you on a loop.
I'm in love with love,
but love is without a face
Your an empty vase,
so I'll fill you with red roses
Your the one for me,
but it wouldn't be the first time
It's lust in disguise
An unhealthy addiction
I wouldn't advise
But as fast as I fall,
I'll pick myself up
forget about you
It's not hard to do
I'll find someone else
In fact most of the time i'll have three on the go
because no one can break my heart
Tired.I'm so tired.
I'm tired physically, I'm tired mentally and I'm tired emotionally.
Have you ever cried so much, that its not just crying any more, that it feels as though your straining for your vital organs to somehow reach the outside of your chest?
Seriously I just can't do it any more, I'm to sick and tired to put up with life in general any more. I don't even see a reason for me to be living, I have no purpose, and it extremely likely I'm never going to have one. I'm not saying I'm going to go out and commit suicide or something, all I'm saying is that if I happen to someday fall over, hit my head and never wake up, I sure as hell wo
Can You See?Lighting your way with a torch lamp,
can you see what's really true?
Head in the clouds instead of feet on the ground,
is what they tell you.
But night can be day, and hell can be heaven, and loss can be love in your eyes.
The cold touch of the pavement is a kiss from an angel, and no one ever tells lies.
The bottom of a bottle is the top of your list,
and you won't even notice blood coating your fist.
The downward spiral is just the spinning in your head,
and it doesn't matter to you where you tread.
But a low is not a high
and a sin is not a virtue.
Lighting your way with a torch lamp,
you can't see what's really true.
Sacchariferousfor the Admiral
my dandelions speak of
the kitchen, brimming
with sun-streaked sugar
and mended-over smiles.
floured fingerprints cloud the sky,
but every broken egg is one more yellow flower.
in sweetgrass and flowers
i find white-leaf bandages for cracked shells. coils of
fill the bowl to the brim-
the world is a clean smile
wrapped in sugar.
everything here is white and pale as sugar
gathered to mend your flowered
i wish you'd swallow always fields of
dandelions that brim
with every clean, clear sky.
i'll measure out the sky
in cups of sugar.
fogged upon the rim
of the flour bowl- your fingerprints in flowe
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`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More